Skye's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Skye Made me promise I'd try to find my way back in this life. I hope there is a way to give me a sign you're okay. Reminds me again it's worth it all so I can go on. All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments imagine you here. All of my memories keep you near. Your silent whispers, silent tears.... Dearest Nicki The Brat Prince ...Kuja... Our Dark Skye Edit Info Edit Friends Edit Userpics Edit Password Modify Journal Update yourusername [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Rebirth? [ ] [ mood | Content ] [ music | Malice Mizer - Le Ciel ] I couldn't believe my eyes...waking up to a new day, the sun's beams filling the room..and Nicki beside me. It all feels too good to be true. And last night he asked that I marry him. And I said yes. I keep thinking he'll regret the decision one day. I know I won't, but I never want him to...to wonder if maybe there could have been something better for him. But that's just me being irrational, isn't it? There's a wedding to plan. Mana seemed happy. I haven't told Daniel or Eric. They've never really supported my decision to be with Nicki. Things are different now though. Nicki's changed. I've changed...well...my state of mind is slightly altered. I just hope that love alone will be strong enough to help us through all of this. I keep wondering if I should seek out Mekare. She's always been so good at puting my fears to rest..

Lost in the screams... [ ] [ mood | Weary ] [ music | Moi Dix Mois - Ange ] In the back of my mind I hear the church organs. The soft songs that try to sing me to sleep. They fail. Everytime. I'm dragged back to reality by the blood and the pain. It's over now, isn't it? Nicki lives. Happy and healthy. My back hurts...burns, stings. And then it takes me about twenty minutes to realize that the screams I hear are my own. Have I become so numb to it? It's a stuggle to find that peace now. The peace I once knew so well in his arms. I don't want anyone to touch me anymore. Something bad will happen. Bad things always happen. Now pushing everything into madness, into perversion Everything in abandonment falling wherever to a thousand voices dancing in madness tonight, in brilliance I keep hearing Daniel's voice...Eric's voice. The voices of reason. Always telling me to calm down. Telling me that everything is fine. Is it? Wings of the angel losing their colors, the first words The awakening falling in place Such... sound of reminiscence of the wings I want to sing again...but I can't find my voice..

Am I real anymore...? [ ] [ mood | Fading... ] [ music | Within Temptation - Memories ] It pains me. The blank look in his eyes. My world's been twisted so drasticly and all I can think about is getting him back home. I'm losing strength...and the will to fight. I can't do it alone...I can't do it without him. He doesn't even know me anymore. I'm at a loss. I can't turn to...them anymore. They were against our love from the beginning. These wings...they're just a horrid reminder of everything I gave up for him...everything I took on to be his one and only. It's not that I want to give up...it's that I'm not being given a choice. I liked to think I was indestructable. I don't know your face no more... Or feel the touch that I adore. I don't know your face no more... It's just a place I'm lookin' for. We might as well be strangers in another town We might as well be living in a different world We might as well... We might as well... We might as well... I don't know your thoughts these days We're strangers in an empty space I don't understand your heart It's easier...to be apart.. Is there a way around all of this. Could I really be completely erased from his heart and mind? I'm only sure of one thing anymore. Kuja has to go. I just have no idea how to go about it. My neck...though healed, it stings...

No regrets... [ ] [ mood | Losing Touch ] [ music | Zeromancer - Teenage Recoil ] Not a bad shot of me. Although I do wish they'd have gotten my other side...my left side really is my best side. Oh well...not much can be done now though, can it? A vampire approached me the other day. A child really. At least in the way she went about asking me questions. However, her curiousity roused something within me. Anger, I believe, which in turn made my hunger worse. I thirsted for life...and death. And Nicki...isn't around. Not when he should be. Should I blame myself? Was that killing spree my call for his attention? I'm not sure anymore. There's so much blood on my hands...and my skin burns. Ashes are all over my wings. I wonder if they'd become pretty with dark red mingled in. Would it hurt too much if I stabbed them to prove this point? Oh it does feel so good when Nicki pets me there...over those dark feathers. I shiver. Nicki...where are you?

Soon... [ ] [ mood | Numb ] [ music | Eiffel 65 - I Don't Wanna Lose ] I keep hearing Mekare's words in my mind...when I'm alone. That's the only time I can allow myself to think. Lest I risk Nicki picking up something. Impending doom....that's what it all comes down to. That someone will hurt...perhaps die? I find I've been guarding my heart lately. It's getting colder outside. I keep standing on the terrace alone at night, to let the wind whip at my hair, my wings. Everything seems strange since I've returned. Eric is busy...Mana...I've barely spoken to. I can't even bring myself to hunt. Something's wrong...I just wish I knew what it was. I know Lestat will find his way back to Nicki eventually. I welcome it, almost. It's something Nicki needs...deserves. God...I want a scotch.

Promises and wishes... [ ] [ mood | Confused ] [ music | Celldweller - Under My Feet ] I'm driving myself slowly insane. There's so much to cover. I know things now that I don't think I ever wanted to know. There's too many terms. Yet only 'The Fallen' seems to make any sense to me. Something that did pique my interest was that someone once documented this occurance as a vampire's ascendance. To make the leap from immortal...to god. How would that explain Nicki's existance? I have no bloody idea. And so it's a process of trial and error. But every time I think I have something worth while I just hit another dead end. I feel weak. I haven't really left the library since I got here. I'll have the occasional coffee...take hour naps. That's about it though. I can still hear their fear...everyone around me. I can feel their curiousity...the hatred buried beneath it. Eric came to see me last night. Every time he looks at me...I can see it in his eyes. A sadness...like he knows something about me that I have yet to figure out. He held me, I needed that. I hope I'll be able to go home soon... I miss Nicki so much.

When he sleeps... [ ] [ mood | Calm ] [ music | H.I.M - Vampire Heart ] Let me weep you this poem as Heaven's gates close Paint you my soul, scarred and alone Waiting for your kiss to take me back home Hold me Like you held on to life When all fears came alive and entombed me Love me Like you love the sun Scorching the blood in my vampire heart Nicki told me something last night that...made me feel odd...confused...and elated all at the same time. He said I may be bearing his child. At first I wasn't sure what to think. But he held me...reassured me that no matter what, he'd always be there for me. Can't get my hopes up though...it may not even be true. Still...it's a lovely thought. I got a call this morning...and had to slip out of bed quietly. I didn't want to disturb Nicki. It was Mekare. She hasn't spoken to me in so long...so when I heard her soft voice so clearly in my mind, I couldn't stay away. She's still as beautiful as she ever was. Being around her had always comforted me. We're not the same anymore though...and she wept for me, for what I had become. She said she was concerned for me. That she had a sense of foreboding where I was concerned. I told her that I was as safe as I could possibly be. She was so gentle with me. She wished me the best. And then I came back to Nicki. He looks so innocent when he sleeps..

Strange days... [ ] [ mood | Different... ] [ music | Avenged Sevenfold - Won't see you tonight ] I did something I'm not entirely proud of last night...something I wish Nicki could have been there for. Damion went too far last night...and the bastard made me cry again. At first I told myself it was a mistake...as if that would make it easier on my conscience. But I had to come to terms with the fact that I did kill him. A child of Magnus...a tad older than Lestat himself. Before I became so mad at him...he told me that killing him would bring me nightmares...and things I didn't want to bring upon myself. I thought it was a bluff...I thought he was scared. But it's over now...and I feel strange. I can hear the voices again...the voices of those dead and lost. Just like I could before...before Armand gave me his blood. Again, I see things differently. Damn you Damion. All I want now is to be in Nicki's arms. To take comfort in his warmth. I'm glad though...Eric can rest easy. Mana as well. It was worth it if they can be happy. After it was all over and done with though...I was struck with the intense urge to do something I hadn't done for a long time...since I had given up Sybelle as my lover. I sat at Nicki's piano and began to play. I was sure it would feel odd, but it was just the opposite. It felt like...coming home. It scares me... Felitsa

Damn it all... [ ] [ mood | concerned ] [ music | Trust Company - The Fear ] Standing here... I'm cold inside, with fear And I can't feel my soul. Take me in... I'm yours again...for a while Just like the last time.. I feel weak... And I'm slowly losing touch With what is left in me. Take me in... I'm yours again, for a while Just like the first time.. I find myself having to commit every one of Nicki's small...adorable traits to memory. Because in a way, I'm scared. Yes...the great, gorgeous Skye Elleana Talbot is actually afraid of something. If his body can be so easily controlled by someone else, I always want to know when he's with me...and when he isn't. That's just one of the things that bothers me lately though... When I'm with Nicki...everything is fine...it's like I don't need anything but him. And then...when we're apart I just...I feel, need, want...chaos. I can very clearly envision ripping out a spinal cord..and the simple thought makes me shiver...my own hands itch and ache for it. I don't know what's wrong with me. And Eric despite my warnings that he leave the Talbot mansion...he stayed...and sure enough was cornered by Damion. He's fine...but the way he described the encounter...he sounded entranced..dreamy even. I do believe Damion is trying to seduce our dear Eric. Damn him. I can still remember meeting Damion for the first time all those years ago, just before Lestat and Nicki burst into my life. He's changed so much. God, I can't do this anymore...the night's still young...and I want to hurt someone..

Learning to breathe... [ ] [ mood | Loved ] [ music | Apocalyptica - Farewell ] Hello, good morning, how you do? What makes your rising sun so new? I could use a fresh beginning too All of my regrets are nothing new And this is the way...I say..I need you This is the way...I say, I love you This is the way that I say...I'm yours The past few days seem so...unreal. Some adjustment is in order...but things really did change. I try to remember the pain now...when I first opened my eyes, because they say to cry is to know that you're alive...but I can't. It's almost like my body won't let me. I suppose it doesn't matter much now though. It's done...and I can't go back to the way I was before. Oh..I'm sorry for rambling. You're wondering what I'm talking about now aren't you? Well...Nicki and I got to talking the other night. I was being stubborn...I wouldn't let him help with the Damion / Eric situation. I made him upset..and in his anger...or is it love? Either way...he made me like him...strenth..wings and all. I'm learning to breathe I'm learning to crawl I'm finding that you and you alone Can break my fall I'm living again Awake and alive I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies I spoke to Daniel this...in the twilight hours just before dawn. He says he's happy for me, as long as I'm happy. Why are the men in my life so over-protective? I can just imagine the fit Eric will have when he finds out. But I wonder what Christine would say..or Sybelle...or even Lestat. Makes me smile. It almost scares me though...the pull that I feel when Nicki's around me. I never want to be away from him. [My labor of love]

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]